Thursday, December 13, 2012

Bad Girl

I did a naughty thing.  And ooooo, it’s bad!  I am torn between convicting myself I have done a sinful thing and being proud!  Well, it was rather passive-aggressive, I guess; that’s not good. 

I had been sitting way too long in a defective, gaping hospital gown the last time I was at my OB-GYN’s office.  I had put off this dreaded appointment for more than two years and now that I’d worked up the courage to finally go in, they were making me wait more than a half-hour in the cold, perched on an awful papered table. 

Out of boredom, I broke the no-cell-phone rule and was having a light text conversation with my daughter.  Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I wrote, “If they keep me sitting here in this ugly thing any longer, I’m going to vandalize the office!”

Her response was quick: LOL – do it!!

I was so afraid I’d get caught!  My heart was beating madly in my chest, but listening hard, I could hear the doctor was still with another patient.  I jumped down from the table and untacked an 8 ½ x 11 flyer of a mom holding an ultrasound picture in front of her very full belly that read, “Protect Your Baby Before He is Born.  Get Vaccinated Against Flu and Pertussis.”  Hands shaking, I folded it and stuffed it into my purse, then scrambled up to the table.  Afraid of the gaping hole it left, I climbed back down and rearranged some of the papers on the board so it wouldn’t be too obvious, then hiked myself up again, breathing wildly from the excitement. 

Awwww, I am in trouble!  Secretively giggling and hands shaking, I text my daughter back – “I did it!  Tell you about it, later! HAHA”

Remembering it in the dark of night, I am arguing with myself.  WWJD hits me square in the nose and I sass back, “Well, I could have maybe added a thought bubble above the ultrasound that read, ‘No, Mama!  The FDA and CDC never intended for vaccines to be administered to fetuses!  They have never conducted fetal testing; in fact, that is what they’re doing now – on us!  Just last year, the number of spontaneous abortions [miscarriages and stillbirths] jumped up in moms who got flu shots but had otherwise healthy pregnancies.  Please don’t!’”

That’s me all over – just one big jumble of controversy.  LOL  I suppose it was better that I just stuffed it in my pocket and didn’t start a firestorm. 

The doctor came in and while talking to me, glanced at the board.  I could see her thinking, “That looks different; what’s missing?”  Then she looked back at sweet-little-smiling-pastor’s-wife-me and instantly dismissed the thought that I would remove anything off the sacred cork.  Nah, must have been her last client.  HAHA  Oh, I’m sure the drug reps that brought the flyer gave her plenty more to replace it.  Mary...!  haha

So, now I struggle.  Did I sin?  This was surely against the 7th commandment of “Do not steal” or maybe the 10th of “Do not covet they neighbor’s belongings.”  My original intention was mischief, but what if I am morally opposed to prenatal human experimentation?  Would that be covered under WWJD?  At least under Walden for its civil disobedience?  Something??

If I am trying so hard to rationalize it away, maybe I should stop being a coward, take my trophy and mail it back to the doctor saying, “I did this and here’s why.”

Well, because I like it there and I don’t want to be dismissed as a patient.  Plus, I know opposing this makes me the David among the Goliaths.  Some even think I’m nuts!  Then there’s the issue of their being able to trust me.  Screwed that up.

Ok, but Jesus stormed right into the Temple and TOTALLY messed with their heads!  He definitely made no friends, people thought he was crazy, he wasn’t trusted by many, they eventually crucified him…but he was right.

So much of the things I say and what I stand for are dismissed by others simply based on the fact that I am a Bible-believing Christian.  Why not be bold??  Not just on this issue, but many things!  As long as I am continually searching my heart to know if my intentions are in line with God’s will, should I not keep trying to make a difference in my world, even if it’s not popular?  Hmmm…
~~~~~
Pondering Points and PS
(P.S. I purposefully brought in verses on being right, being wrong, judging and seeking God.  It is all over the place, but so are my thoughts on what I did…)

Psalm 20:7-8
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.

Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.  Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.  This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Proverbs 14:12
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

Proverbs 25:2
It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.
 
Romans 14:7-12
No one lives for himself alone. No one dies for himself alone. If we live, it is for the Lord. If we die, it is for the Lord. If we live or die, we belong to the Lord.  Christ died and lived again. This is why He is the Lord of the living and of the dead.  Why do you try to say your Christian brother is right or wrong? Why do you hate your Christian brother? We will all stand before God to be judged by Him.  The Holy Writings say, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee will bow before Me. And every tongue will say that I am God.”  Everyone of us will give an answer to God about himself.

James 1:5
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

1 Peter 2:15
For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

No comments:

Post a Comment