Trusting Daddy

My kitchen was the color of Thanksgiving in 1973, mostly filled with oranges, warm browns, swirls of black and specks of yellow.  It had a russet table in the center, always filled with playdoh or coloring pages or good things to eat.  Even at that young age, I would stand on my little wicker chair to reach the sink and do the dishes with Daddy.

I remember having conversations with him that would be sometimes funny, sometimes confusing and often too hard to understand.  I remember him telling me once that he was going to go into the hospital to have tubes put in his arms.  All I could imagine was a garden hose and couldn’t fathom how those would fit – even inside his great big muscles!  While still trying to picture it, he continued, explaining that his blood vessels were not strong enough to handle the dialysis machine.

I’m sure he was trying his best to be clear to an almost-5-year-old, but all I could do was put my little mitt on his long, tanned arm and fight the sadness that seemed bigger than I was.  I don’t remember what was said, but I can see even now his hands in the soapy water and his loving brown eyes looking into mine, brimming with tears.  I didn’t want my Daddy to hurt and I was afraid this operation would.  Maybe he didn’t say anything; he didn’t need to.  We were quiet, then, and I felt more calm and less afraid when I leaned into his strong, tall side and we went about what needed to be done.

There are times I am filled with great hurt, physically or emotionally.  And while I try to talk with and get answers from my father God, I don’t always hear or understand.  More often, I let my fears drown out everything He is trying to explain to me.  If only I would be quiet and lean more into Him, trust and draw peace!  Praise God!

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Pondering points

Psalm 62:8

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 112:7
He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Psalm 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.
Isaiah 12:2
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
Isaiah 26:4
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 40:28-31
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.