Heavenly Visits

For the second night in a row, I’ve awoken from deep sleep having had a variation of the same dream.  These were such lifelike conversations with my Grandpa Thompson that had they not been completely reassuring and warm and full of play, I’d say it was spooky!  Grandpa went home to be with the Lord almost a year ago.

I was not able to tell him goodbye and it wounded me so deeply that it has been like a gaping hole in my heart month upon month.  It has hurt so much it is almost a physical ache.

I feel like these dreams came from God, Himself; because I don’t think time heals all wounds, but I believe that God does.

HAHA – last night I dreamt that Grandpa was in a hospital bed, but he was jovial and funny; alive and inviting.  I sat near him and read aloud my Little House on the Prairie book.  I pause now to remember and can almost feel the soft, white peach fuzz of his haircut I loved to touch.  Or how he would hold us girls, screaming and laughing, while he tickled our necks with the stubble on his chin.  Last night, I brought him a bucket of toys or tools or something – I can’t remember.  He smiled and said, “What would I do without my girl?”, owning me as his.  It was a beautiful dream and I was loathe to leave it.

Tonight, I was little, again, and I saw my own tiny fingers play piano for him.  Then we played checkers with the old board in the back room and the red and black pieces that we kept in a jar.  As I type, it seems so insignificant here on the page.  But to my aching heart, it has been heavenly salve.

God doesn’t abandon us.  Even in our sleep, he is our heavenly Father and holds us, heals us, wipes every tear from our eyes.  Thank you, Lord Jesus... goodnight.

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Pondering points

Zephaniah 3:17  “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Rev. 21:3-4  “I heard a loud voice from the throne saying: ‘God’s dwelling place is now with his people. He will live with them, and they will be His own. Yes, God will make His home among his people.  He will wipe all tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death or suffering or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’”

Psalm 10:17  “O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; You will strengthen their heart; You will incline Your ear.”

Psalm 27:7-10, “Lord, listen to my voice when I cry out— have mercy on me and answer me!  Come, my heart says, seek God’s face.  Lord, I do seek your face!  Please don’t hide it from me!     Don’t turn me away because you are angry.  You have been my help!  God my Savior, don’t say no to me.  Don’t desert me.  Don’t leave me all alone!  My father and mother deserted me, but the Lord took me in and comforted me.”

Isaiah 49:14-15  “Can a woman forget her nursing child?  Will she have no compassion on the child from her womb?  Although mothers may forget, I will not forget you.  See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”

Confessions

I “snuck out,” yesterday, and had a blast being bad with a close friend, guiltily enjoying some ice cream and wonderful conversation for three hours.  I felt a twinge that I was doing wrong to my husband who stayed home to watch our little one because we had started our diet together this new year and truly, 3 hours is a very long time to leave them both just to be selfish and enjoy some girl-time.  But as I am awake in the night, I realize that I not only trespassed against him and my own body by consuming copious amounts of sugar and salt less than two weeks into January, but I sinned against God by eating the sweet meat of gossip, bite by delectable bite.

Now, don’t get me wrong; every bit of the account I gave was absolute truth.  That’s the part of my life that so temptingly leans toward gossip: it is packed to the gills with trauma, drama, comedy and blessing.  It’s easy to get carried away on a sugar high, talking fasterandfaster about my personal soap opera.  But upon reflection, it was one long sin-fest.

Again, was it true?  Yep.  Scout’s honor!  Was it about my life, directly?  Sure was.  But did I change the details to protect the innocent?  See, that’s the thing – they’re not so innocent!  They’re easy targets!  But…even here, I am convicted.  Maybe in God’s eyes, “easy target” means someone weaker who deserves my mercy and not my condemnation.  Maybe retelling my tale reveals I haven’t forgiven them as I ought. 

I was convicted long ago about exaggeration.  Since then, I’ve told myself, if I have to super-size a story to make it a good one, maybe it wasn’t quality to begin with.  I need to stick with the facts to be sure it hasn't grown into a lie.  So I've conquered that one, but upon deeper self-examination, I need to grow further.

As salacious a story as it is…I’m wondering if I am harming a weaker person who needs my prayers, not my judgment.  Even though my friend has never met most of the objects of yesterday’s discussion, it still colors her view of them should they ever meet by chance.  And the picture I painted wasn’t a pretty one.  Accurate?  Absolutely.  But a portrait of souls who still need grace, just as I’m seeing I do. 

So Lord, I’m sorry for my lack of self-discipline.  Please help me to grow and be more like your Son.  And honey?  Sorry about the ice cream.

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Pondering Points

Proverbs 18:8 "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts."

Psalm 51:1-2 "Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions."

Hosea 6:6 "For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings."

Micah 6:8 "He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

Matthew 18:21-35  "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.  Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.  Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”