Letting Her Hurt

Kaydee experienced her first death, yesterday.  We were reading a Little House on the Prairie chapter book all about Laura Ingalls and her adventures with her trusty bulldog, Jack.  Jack protected her from wolves and wildcats, bears and even a runaway ox, once.  He loved her, played with her, from little girl to nearly grown-up one.  The very last chapter talked about their loading the wagon for yet another journey West and the night before they left, Jack departed without them.

This caught Kaydee off guard.  Being an animal lover and especially having an elderly dog of her own, it struck her down and the tears rained.  She came flying into my arms from across the room.  “Jack died??” 

The cynical side of me could have touted, “This book was written about the 1800s, of course he died.”  There was an unhappy time in my life that I may have reacted to someone like that, even a child.  Shame on me.

The doting side of me could have soothed, “It’s just a book, honey.  It’s ok,” hush-hushed the crying, glossed over the hard stuff, patted it, made it look pretty and pretended it away.

But I didn’t.  I let her hurt.

I acknowledged that it was heartbreaking.  I wiped her tears, held her close, loved on her and let her feel that pain.  I cried with her and told her I knew what she felt; I had cried the first time I read that Jack died, too.  I told her about losing my pets and how sad it was.  I let her hurt.  I know that our 9-year-old dog, Mandy, favors her hip, has odd lumps on her body and who knows how long she’ll be around in our family.  I let Kaydee go through this grief as a mini practice run for the time when we’ll lose our furry girl.

Opposite of being cruel, I think I was helping her, preparing her.  Part of me did feel “mean,” but being an older, wise parent, I know there will be bigger hurts and harder deaths in her life.  I gave her a tiny taste of hardship now to exercise her heart and let her know she could get through it , hopefully readying her for life, ahead.

I wonder if God does the same with us.  It must hurt Him to see His children suffer.  So many sorrows we walk through, so many challenges and frustrations.  He already knows how the next chapter goes, but in His wisdom, He lets our story unfold.  

I know that God never leaves us.  He is always there, ready to hold us, wipe our tears, listen.  He has all power to take away our maladies, and yet He sometimes decides to let us walk through them.  Through the torture and death of His Son, He has known great suffering, extreme pain.  Yet He let Christ die…for us, to save us.  Yes, He can change our circumstances, but sometimes, He doesn’t.  But when we wade through hardships with Him, we then see we can grow stronger; we can make it with His help. 

Maybe our hurts don’t seem to have a point in this life.  But God as the perfect parent will work all things together for our good and His glory.  I trust Him.  Praise God!

~~~~~

Pondering points

Romans 8:28,  ²⁸ “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

 Genesis 50:20,   ²⁰ “But as for you, you intended evil against me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many people…”

Isaiah 53 Who has believed our message
    and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
² He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
    and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by mankind,
    a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
    he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

⁴ Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.
⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
    each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all.

⁷ He was oppressed and afflicted,
    yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
    and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
    so he did not open his mouth.
⁸ By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
    Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
    for the transgression of my people he was punished.
⁹ He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
    and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
    nor was any deceit in his mouth.

¹⁰ Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
    and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
    and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
¹¹ After he has suffered,
    he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
    and he will bear their iniquities.
¹² Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
    and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
    and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
    and made intercession for the transgressors.

Kaydee & Mandy after having shared an ice-cream sandwich, they're both on sugar highs!

CUTE AS F***

“CUTE AS FU**” With the rest of the word intact, this slogan in all-caps donned the front of a baby’s onesie.  Happily sitting in the front seat of a cart in a jam-packed grocery, I passed him and his parents, today.  In shock, but in more of a hurry, I walked quickly past.  I clenched the cart and willed it forward, fighting the urge to spin around and give those parents what-for.  But I had my sweet little reader with me who would have read the words and asked what it meant.  No thank you!

Now, had my Mother seen it…!!  Mom, who was pepper and spice, yet everything nice; oh dear.  Rushed or not, accompanied or not, she would have stopped them at the check out and told them to Get. That. Shirt. Off. That. Baby. NOW!  Hahaha

I suppose I could have gotten in their faces, pointed and asked, “Do you really think that is in any way appropriate??”  I felt like telling them that was near child abuse to put that filth on an innocent baby.  But then I suppose they could have easily laughed me off, called me “old” or a “religious pain in the –“

I could have put on my witty self and said, “He is cute, but that outfit is so wrong.  F*** is a verb but it’s written here as a noun.”

I agree with free speech and yes, it is the parents’ choice to dress their child as they see fit.  But you have him in a public space and now I have to read it – and my child is exposed to it.  More than that, this innocent little baby boy is not going to understand why people are pointing at him and yelling at Mommy and Daddy.  It’s incredibly offensive.

So, the final test: What Would Jesus Do?  Had He been with me, what would He have done?  He would have loved on the baby, first of all; recognized his worth and that indeed, this little boy was cute.  But He would have confronted the parents about showing off their son without offending other people.  He would have shown more restraint than I or my mom would have, while at the same time not letting those 20-somethings off the hook.

Act in love, act in love; I’ll have to get that in my head.  I can sometimes tend to REact, without tenderness sprinkled into it.  I’ll have to be loving, but not lose my saltiness.  Now that’s a tightrope worth walking.

CUTE AS F***.  Wow.

~~~~~

Pondering points

Proverbs 15:1  “A gentle response diverts anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”

Matthew 5:13-16  [Jesus said,] “You are like salt for the whole human race. But if salt loses its saltiness, there is no way to make it salty again. It has become worthless, so it is thrown out and people trample on it.  You are like light for the whole world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead it is put on the lampstand, where it gives light for everyone in the house.  In the same way your light must shine before people, so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven."

Matthew 18:10 [Jesus said,] “See that you don't despise any of these little ones. Their angels in heaven, I tell you, are always in the presence of my Father in heaven.”

Matthew 18:15 [Jesus said,] “If your brother sins against you, go to him and show him his fault. But do it privately, just between yourselves.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother back.

Galations 6:1  “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

Ephesians 4:29  “Don’t use foul or abusive language; let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up people and meeting the need of the moment. This way you will administer grace to those who hear you.”

Heavenly Visits

For the second night in a row, I’ve awoken from deep sleep having had a variation of the same dream.  These were such lifelike conversations with my Grandpa Thompson that had they not been completely reassuring and warm and full of play, I’d say it was spooky!  Grandpa went home to be with the Lord almost a year ago.

I was not able to tell him goodbye and it wounded me so deeply that it has been like a gaping hole in my heart month upon month.  It has hurt so much it is almost a physical ache.

I feel like these dreams came from God, Himself; because I don’t think time heals all wounds, but I believe that God does.

HAHA – last night I dreamt that Grandpa was in a hospital bed, but he was jovial and funny; alive and inviting.  I sat near him and read aloud my Little House on the Prairie book.  I pause now to remember and can almost feel the soft, white peach fuzz of his haircut I loved to touch.  Or how he would hold us girls, screaming and laughing, while he tickled our necks with the stubble on his chin.  Last night, I brought him a bucket of toys or tools or something – I can’t remember.  He smiled and said, “What would I do without my girl?”, owning me as his.  It was a beautiful dream and I was loathe to leave it.

Tonight, I was little, again, and I saw my own tiny fingers play piano for him.  Then we played checkers with the old board in the back room and the red and black pieces that we kept in a jar.  As I type, it seems so insignificant here on the page.  But to my aching heart, it has been heavenly salve.

God doesn’t abandon us.  Even in our sleep, he is our heavenly Father and holds us, heals us, wipes every tear from our eyes.  Thank you, Lord Jesus... goodnight.

~~~~~

Pondering points

Zephaniah 3:17  “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Rev. 21:3-4  “I heard a loud voice from the throne saying: ‘God’s dwelling place is now with his people. He will live with them, and they will be His own. Yes, God will make His home among his people.  He will wipe all tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death or suffering or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’”

Psalm 10:17  “O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; You will strengthen their heart; You will incline Your ear.”

Psalm 27:7-10, “Lord, listen to my voice when I cry out— have mercy on me and answer me!  Come, my heart says, seek God’s face.  Lord, I do seek your face!  Please don’t hide it from me!     Don’t turn me away because you are angry.  You have been my help!  God my Savior, don’t say no to me.  Don’t desert me.  Don’t leave me all alone!  My father and mother deserted me, but the Lord took me in and comforted me.”

Isaiah 49:14-15  “Can a woman forget her nursing child?  Will she have no compassion on the child from her womb?  Although mothers may forget, I will not forget you.  See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”